Glen Waverley, Melbourne, Australia.
Do you know this person? Clearly a food blogger about to write up her NEXT AMAZING POST about her $3 cappuccino and $18 caesar salad.
Aren’t you just gagging for it?
She must be stopped.
Do you know these hipsters?
Upfield Line, Northbound, Melbourne, Victoria.
Seemingly, an accent is developing that is unique to Australia’s hipsters. A quick whip around of the nation reveals this accent, which we label Hipstralian, is emerging outside of Melbourne and has been witnessed in Perth and Brisbane.
This is an alarming new trend. The accent is one part American and one part English to three parts tosser. If you want to blame anyone, blame Josh Thomas (the Gen Y comedian from Brisbane with the, you know, Irish-like accent despite the fact he grow up in Brisbane’s middle class inner-western suburbs? Yeah, we don’t get it either. He hasn’t even lived overseas).
Anyway, here’s some hipsters we recorded in Melbourne. Yes, they’re speaking with the Hipstralian accent. Yes, they are tools. Yes, they must be stopped.
i used to go to mcdonalds in nashville and order a large drink and then while they were handing it to me in the drive thru i would let it slip through my hands onto the ground and start crying(im a really good actor) and then they would get me another and id drop that one too and i would quietly whisper
“im so thirsty”
and drive off crying
Jewell Station, Melbourne, Australia.
Do you know these hipsters? Yes, they’re armed with hula hoops, and jazzy ones at that. Yes, they practice/pose their hula skills in a park near Jewell station. Yes, they’re attention seekers of the worst kind.
They must be stopped.
NGV, Melbourne, Australia.
Do you know these tonks? What better way to get your bourgeois pretension on during the school holidays than to gather in the Federation Courtyard of the National Gallery of Victoria with a friend and your collective spawn and hunker down to some hommus, homemade crackers, cut vegetables and blinis.
Each mother brought, and seemingly made, their own food in a passive aggressive attempt to outdo the other. Each mother breathlessly exclaimed the healthiness of each dish.
Each mother must be stopped.
Number 19 tram, northbound from Melbourne city, Victoria, Australia.
Do you know this woman? Late 40s, stylishly dressed yet prone to shooting daggers at any and all men occupying a seat on public transport.
Not incapacitated, pregnant or elderly, she seems to think she’s entitled to a seat in peak hour.
She must be stopped.
Southbank, Melbourne, Australia.
Do you know this woman? Fondling two paddles to measure God knows what, she’s taking part in a Scientology regime. Is she Thetan? Is she channeling Xenu?
We all must stop her.
Bourke Street Mall, Melbourne, Australia. Do you know this busker? He’s under the misguided impression we have passenger straps on Melbourne trains and has incorporated this into his “performance”.
Fail.
[Flash 10 is required to watch video]
Brunswick, Victoria, Australia.
Do you know this woman? Mid-30s with beige taste in fashion and a penchant for playing “checkout chick”, this wannabe smooth operator took approximately 15 minutes to scan - at a glacial pace - every single item in her loaded trolley.
She must be stopped.
